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You couldn't make this up

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  • You couldn't make this up

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
    Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?
    Contestant:
    Homosexuals.
    Paxman:
    No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
    Jamie Theakston:

    Where do you think Cambridge University is?
    Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
    Theakston:
    There's a clue in the title.
    Contestant:
    Leicester .

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
    Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
    Contestant:
    Er. . .
    Wood:
    It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
    Contestant:
    Blimey?
    Wood:
    Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
    Contestant:
    (Silence.)
    Wood:
    OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
    Contestant:
    Walked?

    BBC NORFOLK

    Stewart White:
    Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant:
    I don't know.
    White:
    I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
    Contestant:
    Arm.
    White:
    Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
    Contestant:
    Strong.
    White:
    Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
    Contestant:
    Louis.
    White:
    Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant:
    Frank Sinatra?

    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
    Alex Trelinski:
    What's the capital of Italy ?
    Contestant:
    France .
    Trelinski:
    France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant:
    Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski:
    Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant:
    Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski:
    Just guess a country then.
    Contestant:
    Paris .

    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

    Anne Robinson:
    Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison or the Conservative Party?
    Contestant:
    The Conservative Party.

    BEACON RADIO, Wolverhampton
    DJ Mark:
    For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
    Ruth from Rowley Regis:
    I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

    Bamber Gascoigne:
    What was Gandhi's first name?
    Contestant:
    Goosey?

    GWR FM, Bristol
    Presenter:
    What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
    Contestant:
    I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

    RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))
    Q:
    Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
    A:
    Forrest Gump.

    LINCS FM PHONE-IN
    Presenter:
    Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
    Contestant:
    Barcelona .
    Presenter:
    I was really after the name of a country.
    Contestant:
    I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Q:
    What is the world's largest continent?
    A:
    The Pacific

    RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))
    Presenter:
    On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
    Contestant:
    Er. . .
    Presenter:
    He makes bread. . .
    Contestant:
    Err...
    Presenter:
    He makes cakes . .
    Contestant:
    Kipling Street ?

    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
    Steve Le Fevre:
    What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
    Contestant:
    Magna Carta?

    BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)
    Chris Moyles:
    Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
    Contestant:
    Ummm. . .
    Moyles:
    It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'.
    Contestant:
    Shark.

    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
    O'Brien:
    How many kings of England have been called Henry?
    Contestant:
    Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three?

    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
    Searle:
    In which European country is Mount Etna ?
    Caller:
    Japan .
    Searle:
    I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
    Caller:
    Er . . . Mexico ?

    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
    Wappat:
    How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
    Contestant (after long pause):
    Fourteen days.

    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
    Denham:
    In which country would you spend shekels?
    Contestant:
    Holland ?
    Denham:
    Try the next letter of the alphabet.
    Contestant:
    Iceland ? Ireland ?
    Denham (helpfully):
    It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
    Contestant:
    No.

    THE VAULT (ITV)
    Melanie Sykes:
    What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
    Contestant:
    Nostalgia.

    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2)

    Wright:
    Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
    Contestant:
    Jesus

    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Eamonn Holmes:
    Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
    Contestant:
    Basketball.

    DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)

    Ulrika Jonsson:
    Who wrote Lord Of The Rings?
    Contestant:
    Enid Blyton.

    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Eamonn Holmes:
    There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ?
    Contestant:
    Jelly.

    FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)

    Jodie Marsh:
    Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT.
    Team:
    Chedpit.

    SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)

    Phil Tufnell:
    How many Olympic Games have been held?
    Contestant:
    Six.
    Tufnell:
    Higher!
    Contestant:
    Five.

    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
    Jeff Owen:
    In which country is Mount Everest ?
    Contestant (long pause):
    Er, it's not in Scotland , is it?

    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
    Anne Robinson:
    In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet?
    Contestant:
    Jool carriageway?

    QUIZMANIA (ITV)

    Greg Scott:
    We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.
    Contestant:
    Doctor.
    Scott:
    No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
    Contestant:
    Oh, (pause) Doctor.

    BIG QUIZ (LBC)
    Gary King:
    Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
    Contestant:
    Lepers.

    DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)

    Kelly:
    Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
    Contestant:
    I need a clue.
    Kelly:
    OK. What do beans come in?
    Contestant:
    Cartons?

    TALKSPORT
    Andy Townsend:
    How many wheels does a tricycle have?
    Caller:
    Two.
    Townsend:
    The Beatles were known as the Fab...?
    Caller:
    Five.

    MAGIC 52 ( NORTH-EAST ENGLAND )
    Presenter:
    In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
    Contestant:
    Erm...
    Presenter:
    Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
    Contestant:
    1965?

    WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? (ITV)
    Chris Tarrant (asking the audience):
    'Jambon' is the French for which food?
    11 per cent of the audience:
    Jam.

    DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)
    DLT:
    In which European country are there people called Walloons?
    Contestant:
    Wales .

    JANICE FORSYTH SHOW (BBC RADIO SCOTLAND )
    Forsyth:
    What is India 's currency?
    Contestant:
    Ramadan.

    OWEN MONEY SHOW (BBC RADIO WALES )

    Money:
    In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can.
    Caller:
    Er. . . Tony Brown. . . and Nigel Benn. (Silence.)

  • #2
    Re: You couldn't make this up


    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
    Searle:
    In which European country is Mount Etna ?
    Caller:
    Japan .
    Searle:
    I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
    Caller:
    Er . . . Mexico ?
    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
    Alex Trelinski:
    What's the capital of Italy ?
    Contestant:
    France .
    Trelinski:
    France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant:
    Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski:
    Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant:
    Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski:
    Just guess a country then.
    Contestant:
    Paris .

    :jaw:


    When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.

    When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

    Paulo Coelho

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