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Advice on childcare issue

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  • Advice on childcare issue

    Hi

    Please can I get some advice !


    I split up with my ex wife 2 years ago. we have 2 children , A is 10 , B is 8 years old.

    I live with my new partner her child C is 5 and our new born 1 month.

    Now the problem is my eldest child, over the last year he has become really naughty/violent towards his mother. leaving her with a cut lip, smashing things around the house , swearing at his mother now even starting to bully at hit his younger brother. However, he is a totally different child when they come to stay twice a week. yes he has his outbursts but nothing as severe as at his mums.

    over the past 6 months the school he attends has came involved and had meetings about him, he's been to the doctors and he has no underlying mental health issues. he has even attended counselling.

    Now just recently I am receiving texts from his mother asking if he can live with me and child B live with her. I have said this is impossible as I work and my partner is on maternity leave. Ive also said I don't want to split the children up as they are fine and well behaved at mine.

    she has now said she wants child A to live at the grandparents house (her side). and keep child B . which I object to . what can I do about this?

    Now I would give up work to support my children or my partner would support them and both could live with us if needed but I feel as if I would be fighting a losing battle. do I stand a chance in gaining custody? or is there other ways to solve this. I really don't want them split up as I feel child A will lose out.

    I have the room at my house to accommodate both children but I am in need of some serious advice and any would be well appreciated.
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  • #2
    Re: Advice on childcare issue

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ADVICE NEEDED

    So.. im due to have child A and B on sunday 19th july all day over night and drop them back monday, my ex calls me Saturday and says she is bringing Child A to me as he has been naughty and abusive. I said ok thinking it was a extra night,.

    So child A stays with me on 18th . Child B comes on the 19th and they both stay. on the 20th the ex says she only wants child B back.

    So child A gets left with my partner all day while im at work (school holidays)

    I call the ex today and ask what time am I bringing back child A in the morning (21st) as I have work and my partner has plans.

    She says she doesn't want him back... CAN SHE PICK AND CHOOSE ? which child she wants when... I feel as if Child A feels so unloved by is mother at the moment. im not sure which way to turn now as I have work tomorrow all day 9-8pm I cant take emergency leave as I might risk my job. my partner has plans... im thinking I need advice on what to do.. do I apply for custody of both? or 1? she says she will choose when he comes back. am I fighting a losing battle?

    I would ask to have reduced hours or quit work if I had my children. im totally unsure what to do or how to approach this... te mother will not listen


    I feel so confused and not sure what do do on this situation... please help

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Advice on childcare issue

      Hi @fudge, sorry this post has been missed until now

      So ... let me get this straight:
      • Child A (10yrs) and B (8yrs) are yours and your ex's
      • Child C (1mth) is yours with your new partner
      • Your ex had custody of child A and B until recently, when she dropped A off a day early for visitation (dropping B off the next day) and refusing (?) to take child A home with her when she came to collect them.
      • Child A has been with you since the 18th of this month (with child B staying from the 19th to the 20th)


      Am I right so far?

      Have you spoken to your ex and also child A to find out what has happened? Has your ex given any valid reasons for not wanting child A back?

      Personally, I think your ex is being really nasty :sad: that poor child must feel like his whole world has collapsed around his head Is there any way your new partner can involve child A in her plans? Or are there any friends/family members that could look after him for the day while you and your new partner can attempt to put things in perspective?

      If I was you, I would definitely be looking into applying for custody of child A (and probably child B too, to keep them together). A quick chat with social services or a good family law solicitor to ask for advice can sometimes work for the best ... giving you a way forward and a little peace of mind at the same time

      Please try not to worry, you'll get good advice from the Beagles xx
      Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.

      It doesn't matter where your journey begins, so long as you begin it...

      recte agens confido

      ~~~~~

      Any advice I provide is given without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

      I can be emailed if you need my help loading pictures/documents to your thread. My email address is Kati@legalbeagles.info
      But please include a link to your thread so I know who you are.

      Specialist advice can be sought via our sister site JustBeagle

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Advice on childcare issue

        Hi Fudge,

        What a heartbreaking situation.

        I'm sorry, I can' t come up with an easy answer (unsurprisingly).

        The only thing I can suggest is that your little boy is, as you say, hurting terribly. He is just the age when he would have felt the break-up and, what with the baby on the way too will be feeling that he comes first with no-one.

        Children always lash out at the ones they love the most, but that doesn't make it easy for the person it's happening to.

        I would suggest that you try to make some sort of emergency plans whereby he can stay with you for a while. I know this won't be easy, but can't think of any better idea and it might just give him a bit of confidence and time to let the boiling emotions inside him rationalise a little.

        Others here will have been through similar situations and found solutions and we will all support you in any way we can.

        Will rack my brains but meanwhile my heart goes out to you FWIW :hug

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Advice on childcare issue

          Hi

          Yes kati. Child A and B would normally stay on every day i get off work which is twice a week. Now the ex is refusing to have child A back.
          In my first post it explains whats happened. Child A is now asking where he is going and who he is staying with.
          Im going to have to take emergency leave and go talk to citizens advice. Or social services as im really not happy about her picking one child over the other.
          hard times :-(

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Advice on childcare issue

            Fudge,

            I don't think she's picking one child above the other, but if she's being attacked and injured then she needs to find a way to make things safe for them all until this phase passes.

            If it's not possible for child A to stay for a while with you for some breathing space, would it be so terrible if he stayed with his grandmother? Nothing needs to be written in stone.

            Perhaps he would be able to talk his troubles through with one of you, given some time away from his present situation. Maybe at the moment he's just too angry with his mother - possibly his little brother too. His mother is who he probably, on some level, blames for everything, and the only one he can take things out on. x

            Comment

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