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Contact Order

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  • Contact Order

    Hi, I hope someone on here can give some advice please for myself and my partner, with relation to the contact order that she has in place with her ex husband.

    A contact order was put in place in July 2011 due to both parents being unable to agree.

    This is currently that my partner has residency and is the main carer for the 2 girls, 11 and 14, and the father sees them every other weekend , from Friday evening to Sunday Evening.

    At the time he was living in Guildford, we live in Fareham, so it was agreed that my partner would drop the children to Guildford at 5.30pm on the Friday and he would drop them to their home at 5.30pm on the Sunday.

    There are also arrangements in place for Holidays and Chirstmas, which he was particularly vocal about in court.

    Whilst I realise this is and cannot be connected however it is relevant, there was also a maintenance order put in place in July 2011 to which he agreed to in court for child and spousal maintenance, he has never paid the spousal and had to be pursued by the CSA for the child, and has since moved to Switzerland (outside the EU so hard to enforce, we have tried a REMO but it was rejected as they want it all translated into Italian and we don't have the money) a year ago and has paid nothing for the last year.

    He has made an "offer" of £2000 a month, ( he earns £100k+ per annum) however he added conditions which included that my partner would drop the children to Heathrow and pick up every other weekend, that's probably 2 hours each way, that he would deduct £500 for each thing if he became aware that my partner and I had been talking about him ( we never bad mouth him to the children), and that he wanted additional contact mid week whenever he could fly into the country. There are a lot more conditions attached to this offer, which made the offer ridiculous and with him holding the purse strings. My partner and I agreed that she was better off with nothing rather than him deciding whether he would pay and how much, if he cant be trusted to live by the court order how can he be trusted to make the payments each month.

    The main issue we are having at the moment is three fold;

    Firstly my partner simply cannot afford the 80 mile round trip every other Friday, and he has repeatedly held the children to ransom after bringing them back from holidays, and we have had to travel to Croydon and Heathrow to get the children as he refuses to return them, despite the court order saying he should, thus us incurring extra fuel costs and the children being anxious and upset.

    Secondly, when he does return them on a Sunday, it can be anytime between 2pm and 7pm, no consistency for the children and they are always anxious when they return home due to not knowing from him when they are coming home.

    Thirdly and most importantly, he will not communicate with my partner directly, instead he asks the eldest girl to text my partner when they are coming home and informs the eldest where he will be on the Friday, normally a hotel near Guildford, this puts stress and anxiety on the eldest. We have tried to ask him to not communicate through her but he ignores this, I even approached him directly via email and explained how upset the eldest was getting, and he emailed the eldest to say I was being horrible to him. (I realise I should not come between a parent and their child, however she has been crying in my arms on many occasions after a stressful weekend of her being piggy in the middle for two parents).

    Any requests from my partner to him on this matter are met with a barrage of verbal abuse on email ( his work email in which he swears and makes threats) or text, in which he never acknowledges what has been asked but instead threatens the Police should she not do as he wants!!!

    We are looking to return to court to seek an amendment to the court order, stating that contact is kept to reasonable and consistent times ( we have had to pick them at a midnight before as he held them ransom at Heathrow, on a Saturday with them having school on the Monday, he has also kept them out of the country for longer than he stated he would, as they both missed two days from school that was not authorised by anyone)and that Guildford is no longer the destination as he no longer lives there, and that if he cannot keep to this then contact will be suspended until we can return to court again to make another amendment.

    The reason for returning to court is that the eldest is not sleeping, is stressed and anxious because she is used by him to communicate and never knows what time she is coming home, and is often the go between when there is a stand off.

    When it suits him he will text my partner saying she can pick them up from wherever, he normally leaves it till late Sunday so we have no choice.

    In the meantime before we return to court, my partner has said to him some weeks ago that she does not have the money for fuel for these additional journeys and will have to borrow the money to make these journeys, she will also tell him she cannot afford the journey and will contact me to see if I am a free to give her a lift. The aim of this is to break his behaviour as we often flies out on a Sunday night and insists we pick them up at say 7pm, so if I have to make the journey I will get their at 7.30p for example.

    I dont believe in playing games however we have tried everything else we can think of, he ignores the courts, my partners pleas to not involve the eldest in communication, he has been cautioned about his verbal abuse as i insisted my partner inform the Police as he was making physical threats.

    We have a folder 3 inches thick of emails from his work email account, in which he was sworn, made threats and been verbally abusive countless times, the bastard in me says send them to his place of work, but I know that's not the answer.

    I would welcome any thoughts, suggestions for ways forward.

    Regards

    Martin
    Tags: None

  • #2
    Re: Contact Order

    Not really my area, but it sounds like your partners ex is a right selfish idiot to me. He moved to Switzerland did he not consider the emotional impact and stress all the regular air travel would have on the children, clearly not. Hes in breach of the original contact order for not paying maintenance for spousal and child.In my personaly opinion he gave up his rights to contact when he moved to Switzerland as he clearly had no consideration towards the children.

    Anyway as i said its not my area, so others here with knowledge on family law and child contact rights etc will likely be along soon to help. By the way Google translate is good for translating and its free, though may not be 100% accurate.
    Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

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    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Contact Order

      The man is clearly a lunatic, so returning to court is the only viable option. Ideally, you should be looking for complete severence (or if not, at least conditions so onerous for him, that it amounts to the same thing).

      I suspect that time is of the essence - his steadily deteriorating behaviour suggests that he will eventually pull some stunt like kidnapping the children altogether.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Contact Order

        Firstly and most importantly you MUST protect the childrens mental health..by this I mean get them to their Drs,,explain the situation (not in the presence of the children) and get them some much needed counselling.
        You need to contact a solicitor specialising in Family Law.....as enquirer rightly says,abduction does and will happen,he is using the children to control your lives and that is destroying them.
        If you can live without his money ,do so,explaining clearly as to why this decision has been reached,,because he is holding YOU to ransom for his few quid,,basically he thinks you are in his pocket.
        Contact Cafcass.the GP,a lawyer...all as a matter of urgency.
        Keep detailed logs of every single thing,of every word uttered but NEVER slate him within earshot of the children.
        You've got a rocky road ahead but stay strong and persevere..the kids are fast approaching the stage where they themselves will start fighting not to see him.

        Good Luck

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Contact Order

          Hi and thanks for your replies, I am looking for some advice on how we move this forward as we need to apply to the court asap so the childrens welfare is looked after.

          In the meantime our plan is that we will repeatedly say that my partner does not have the money for fuel and she respond to him by saying she will ask me if I can give her a lift, and then not responding to him any further and just turning up and picking the kids up, this way he is not in control and it may make him think twice about making ransom demands, especially if it takes her a while to get hold of me and we turn up when we can, he may miss a flight!!!!

          This will build a picture for the courts should we need it.

          We did this last weekend when he let us know Saturday evening that we could pick them up at 8pm on Sunday from Guildford, bearing in mind the kids have school the next day and would not be home till 9pm. We turned up at 430pm and ask reception to phone the room and he didnt answer the phone ( my partner had rung him 3 times saturday evening as I said this was too important in the courts and anyones eyes to send a text, he never answered ).

          I have had experience of this behaviour before and its classic narcissist. I am right and you are wrong.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Contact Order

            Which planet is your ex living on, for Heaven's sake? The original arrangements cannot be altered without him going back to court and seeking a Variation Order. I note that Enquirer has cautioned about the possibility of abduction. As a former policeman, I have to be realistic and say that this can and does happen. Although The Hague Convention exists to prevent this, you do need to be aware of this. The Hague Convention applies to children who are under the age of 16 years only.

            I have provided a link so you can get the general thrust of The Hague Convention which I sincerely hope you never have to use, but you must seek competent professional legal advice from a lawyer specialising in Family Law at the earliest possible opportunity.

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hague_C...hild_Abduction
            Life is a journey on which we all travel, sometimes together, but never alone.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Contact Order

              Hello Martin

              I remember your situation from your previous thread and am so sorry it has progressed in this way.

              All the replies you have had above are starkly realistic IMHO and I would particularly agree with Inca above that the children's mental health is being actively jeopardized.

              Forget the money, don't use it as a bargaining tool, just explain in words of one syllable that you will not contemplate any further risk to the children's mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing and that he must put forward proposals to see them that will put their needs first, not his.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Contact Order

                To be perfectly honest.....all the fannying around about 'pick up times and petrol' is just too complex to keep going for too long.
                Go legal straight away,,don't beat around the bush,the kids don't need to dread every 'hometime' scenario.
                First thing tomorrow get your partner to ring the Dr and solicitor and get the ball rolling.
                A trip from Guildford on a cold rainy Sunday Evening must be horrific (I live in Hants,between G/ford and Fareham,,I know the route,,it's cack at the best of times)

                Comment

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