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somebody please help me with familly issues

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  • somebody please help me with familly issues

    hello, my story is long but i will try to make it short
    I am a romanian citzen, i had a relationship with a british man between 2007-2009, i lived in uk with him and when the relationship ended i went back to Romania
    in november last year we contacted eachother again, he promised he changed, he told me he still loves me and wants me back and wants us to get married
    I waited untill june to come back to him because i needed my son to finish the school year in romania and in june i left my apartment (was a cheap rent), left my job and came here with my children
    everything went well untill we got married on the 20th of september and from that moment on everything changed
    He stoped showering, he stoped talking to me, we stoped doing all the things we use to do as familly, all he wanted was sex, to touch me in inapropriate ways in front of my 10 years old son, he started complaining that im not passionate enough outside the bedroom, that wee should kiss and touch more offten, wanted sex all around the house with the risk of beeing caught by my son, he was beeing 'playfull' and pinching my butt all day arund the house...and in the evenings, he didnt wash before wanting to have sex
    he went even 3 days without showering or brushin his teeth and then demanded me to be spontaneous sexwise..
    We had a talk about all this one month after we got married and i told him things need to change, that he doesnt take care of himselff and its a lack of respect towards me, i explained to him that i dont want my son to learn about sexuality from me, i dont want him to see us kissing and touching echotther around the house because he is at a critical age and he doesnt need to see that
    my husband called me sick...went upstairs for the evening and next day when he left for work...he never came back
    he started sending me emails, saying he doesnt want me unless i change,i tried to reason with him every time and everytime i wasnt giving him the answeer he wanted, he would so something to hurt me....after each conversation he slowly stoped paying bills, then the rent, then desconected my phone, cut my internet, removed himself from the electricity contract and named me the next one to pay,
    I never worked in uk because he didnt wanted me to, he wanted me to be home when he came home and i accepted that thinking that a marriage should be a compromise. i dont even have a national insurance number. i am trying to find jobs but its not easy because i am not from uk,
    for 2 months now me and my kids have been eating from the food bank, my kids havent seen meat or fresh milk in 2 months, he wouldnt give me any money, he wouldnt pay any bill unless i turn myself into what he wants me to be
    I contacted him a few days ago to meet and talk, he said yes and then started sending me emails telling me not to worry abouit the bills and stuff now and focus on us, because if things will change, then he will pay the rent and the bills
    I feel blackmailed, i am depressed, lost my respect of him, i cant sleep at nights worring about my situation and he doesnt care, doesnt care unless i do the things he wants me to and accept him to be the way he wants
    i went to the citzen advice bureau, i tried getting legal aid, i tried everythng i could to get some answeers, to be told what i can do in this situation, if i have any rights, if he can just financiary blackmail me for sexual favors...i wanna know if i can protect myself and my children from this abuse....please someone help me!
    Tags: None

  • #2
    Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

    I am sure that someone will be along soon to help but as an idea you could try and ring the National Centre for Domestic Violence on 0844 8044 999. They may be able to advise you better.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

      The website address is http://www.ncdv.org.uk/

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

        Hello

        Firstly you are incredibly brave calling out for help like this, it takes nerves of steel to say I need your help.

        Secondly, please be assured you have done absolutely NOTHING wrong, infact you are 100% in the right, you have done the best thing for your son in the long run, and yes you are right there is no way on earth your son needed that as a role model!

        Now, lets get you some practical help. do you now have an NI number/work permit? has anyone told you where you can get one?

        please do not go back to that man! It takes a long time to rebuild your self respect, and saying that you don't need him is the first step. Hold your head up high, you are a great mum with a hell of a lot of courage, and you now have friends behind you saying you are NOT alone!

        <3

        Much love

        P

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

          What a terrible situation to be in, as puffrose has said please DO NOT go back to that awful man ,as far as i know CAB have free Solicitors who will give you advice,even though the consultation will be a short one, but might help you find out what your next step is, i hope so [[[hugs ]]]
          Last edited by valeriej43; 9th December 2012, 13:41:PM. Reason: missed a word out

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

            Firstly THANK YOU for the interest in my situation and for the advice.
            Im going to try and tell you more about the situation
            I did try to apply for benefits first thing after he left, i was told that i can claim benefits and the income suport people would then apply for a NIN for me
            I was rejected from the income suport for some reasons that i dont undarstand si i called the NIN helpline to try and apply for a national insurance number.
            There, ive been told that i have to wait to be taken out from the benefits sistem, one month and then try to apply on my own
            I have called everyone i could, violence helpline, citzen advice, police, ive done everything i could to get answeers and every time i was told diferent
            I tried legal aid...i was given some phone numbers of solictors but they either said the pro bono cases have been alocated for the month or they said i need to bring the bank statment of the last three months to prove how i lived untill now. I explained to them that my husband suported me with cash, that i dont even have a bank acount and they told me that in that case i have to ask for a letter from my husband in witch he would say that he has been suported me. of course i cant ask that from him because he would never writte that letter, he would never help me get legal advice against him so that was out of the queston and my efforts to get legal advice were in vain.,
            I cant aford a solicitor, and no one else would help
            I also have a tenancy problem..i live in a big house he rented before we came here in june, the tenancy is on his name and after he left, he told the landlord that he cannot aford the rent anymore and its not his problem.
            I am just a permited ocupier and i cannot aford the 1650 per month rent or the council and utility bills. he left me in a awfull situation. my son goes to school close by the house, he is already in therapy for some adapting problems that he has been having and now when he is finally better, i have to tell him that we might not be able to be here by christmass and we will be homeless
            I called the council to ask for help, they told me they cant help unless i have a job, i applied for jobs on all the recruting site's , i havent been called back..
            God! dont know what else to say....tomorow i have to meet him, her wants to know what i plan to do and i am so afraid of what he wants me to say or what he will do unless i say what he wants to hear.
            is it llegal to leave your wife and her kids without food, roof above the head...no income?
            can i do anything against him in a legal way?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

              The police have said they cannot do anything?
              When you next go to the school, ask to speak to the Family Support Officer, most schools now have them, and explain to them what is happening.

              Have you now got an NI number?

              Work in the UK is very hard to come by at the moment, please dont get disheartened, it will get better! If you go to a bank and ask for a basic bank account, explain that you have just come out of a relationship where you were a stay at home mum, the Co-Op bank have them, so do Yorkshire bank and Lloyds I think.

              You are taking the first steps to being an independant woman! Congrats!

              Keep your head high, DO NOT go back to him.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

                Adelee
                I have Private Messaged you x
                "Although scalar fields are Lorentz scalars, they may transform nontrivially under other symmetries, such as flavour or isospin. For example, the pion is invariant under the restricted Lorentz group, but is an isospin triplet (meaning it transforms like a three component vector under the SU(2) isospin symmetry). Furthermore, it picks up a negative phase under parity inversion, so it transforms nontrivially under the full Lorentz group; such particles are called pseudoscalar rather than scalar. Most mesons are pseudoscalar particles." (finally explained to a captivated Celestine by Professor Brian Cox on Wednesday 27th June 2012 )

                I am proud to have co-founded LegalBeagles in 2007

                If we have helped you we'd appreciate it if you can leave a review on our Trust Pilot page

                If you wish to book an appointment with me to discuss your credit agreement, please email kate@legalbeaglesgroup. com

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

                  Adellee

                  Like everyone else here my heart bleeds for you - how terrible that you are being treated so badly and seem to have no practical help from anyone - esp. the agencies who are set up and PAID to assist people in situations like yours, what a shaming reflection on this country. Have been trawling the internet and all avenues I can think of - maybe http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ might provide practical/financial assistance as well as support?

                  Whatever happens stand firm and do not go back to that man.

                  You really have made the right decision to draw the line there and never doubt that you are absolutely blameless.

                  For what it's worth, I wish I could come up with a solution and am sure that one WILL appear, quite possibly from someone on this website.

                  FM x

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

                    Very true Miss FM. I read the post this morning and immediately rang my sister who works for the domestic violence charity, Rise. After contacting Adellee, my sister gave me the local direct contact number for Women's Aid in Adellee's location.
                    She will contact them tomorrow and if they do not help, I will personally refer her to a support organisation.
                    "Although scalar fields are Lorentz scalars, they may transform nontrivially under other symmetries, such as flavour or isospin. For example, the pion is invariant under the restricted Lorentz group, but is an isospin triplet (meaning it transforms like a three component vector under the SU(2) isospin symmetry). Furthermore, it picks up a negative phase under parity inversion, so it transforms nontrivially under the full Lorentz group; such particles are called pseudoscalar rather than scalar. Most mesons are pseudoscalar particles." (finally explained to a captivated Celestine by Professor Brian Cox on Wednesday 27th June 2012 )

                    I am proud to have co-founded LegalBeagles in 2007

                    If we have helped you we'd appreciate it if you can leave a review on our Trust Pilot page

                    If you wish to book an appointment with me to discuss your credit agreement, please email kate@legalbeaglesgroup. com

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

                      Thank God - hope and pray that it will give her a solution xx

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

                        Thank you Cel that is fantastic.

                        I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say, even if you just want to say hi, we will all be here to cheer you on Adellee!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

                          Hello dear,
                          Firstly thanks for sharing your story, And I appereciate your bravery to share your story like this. I am shocked what kind of person he is. I advice you to hire best lawyer to handle your case and tell him everything about your case. He will definately helps you to get the justice and divorce from him.

                          Best Wishes......:okay::okay:

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: somebody please help me with familly issues

                            Absolutely! This desperate, destitute woman SHOULD hire the very best LAWYER money can buy! What amazing advice!

                            Your not 'shocked' what type of person 'he' is, because you didn't bother to even read her post. If you had you may even have spotted its 2 years old?

                            But hey-ho, you won't even read this post, because you'll be looking for the next 'relevant content' thread to spam with inane messages.

                            According to your profile, you are a US Mesothelioma Lawyer. May be an idea to stick with that....
                            "Although scalar fields are Lorentz scalars, they may transform nontrivially under other symmetries, such as flavour or isospin. For example, the pion is invariant under the restricted Lorentz group, but is an isospin triplet (meaning it transforms like a three component vector under the SU(2) isospin symmetry). Furthermore, it picks up a negative phase under parity inversion, so it transforms nontrivially under the full Lorentz group; such particles are called pseudoscalar rather than scalar. Most mesons are pseudoscalar particles." (finally explained to a captivated Celestine by Professor Brian Cox on Wednesday 27th June 2012 )

                            I am proud to have co-founded LegalBeagles in 2007

                            If we have helped you we'd appreciate it if you can leave a review on our Trust Pilot page

                            If you wish to book an appointment with me to discuss your credit agreement, please email kate@legalbeaglesgroup. com

                            Comment

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