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  1. #1
    Amy1994's Avatar

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    Default Contact order in place

    Me & my ex partner went to court yesterday for a contact order everything has been agreed and arranged tonight my ex partner has messaged me to change weekends already what do I do?

    And also she has been saying she doesn't want go with him she's 5, what do u do if she starts crying and adiment she doesn't want to go?
    Last edited by Amy1994; 24th August 2017 at 19:25:PM.

  2. #2
    Amethyst's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    What was the contact order for ? Alternate weekends or one weekend a month? Was it for a specific weekend ( like first weekend in the month etc) ? If it's first one and was for this weekend did he ask for it specifically or did court just set when it starts?

    First time my kids went to their dads it broke my heart, I spent whole weekend clock watching waiting for them to come back - they didn't want to go - and it was so hard... they'd picked up that I didn't want them to go I think ... and they were completely fine as soon as they were out of sight tho ( as kids are !)

    I tried to stay flexible which weekend they went, if I accommodated their dads random date changes, then it was far simpler if I needed to ask him to change weekend. And now they're older ( youngest is 15 now so it's been near 10 years) they chop and change quite a lot, but they still go about once a month, and I so appreciate a quiet weekend, or chance to go away without fear of house parties lol.

    We also are on the other side, and have my partners children alternate weekends - we keep that flexible too and try coordinate so we have the weekend complete free when mine go to their dads... but sometimes we have them on their own while mine are away so they get time with their dad.

    Basically flexibility is good long term but don't let him take the piss. It works both ways. It is hard to begin with but it gets easier.
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  3. #3
    Amy1994's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    It was for alternate weekends and the weekend he does see her to have her the following Tuesday and to take her to school on the Wednesday morning. He wanted it to start from this weekend but I said no do it for next weekend starting the 1st.

    It really is hard i understand children should see both parents I didn't have any issues with him seeing her but appreantly I don't have a right to know where she's sleeping whether it's at his or his girlfriends, his sister has been harassing me since may while I have my daughter and the court didn't take that into consideration, it's just going to mess with her routine all over again especially if he keeps changing dates all the time.

    thank you for your reply

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    Amethyst's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    Okay if the decision was only made yesterday then I'd agree this weekend, particularly being bank holiday weekend, is a bit quick to start. So is he starting next weekend ( 1st ? ) Is he having her from Friday night to Sunday evening ( so two nights?). He should let you know where they are staying, in case of an emergency or anything, so ask him if he can text you if it changes during the weekend, tell him it's not a problem, you'd just feel happier if you know where she is. My ex used to take the kids for the weekend and leave them with his mum while he went out... and had no comprehension of why I found that so upsetting (at the time it felt like he just wanted to take them away from me for the sake of it but didn't actually want to spend any time with them himself, plus I hated not being certain where they were as he'd never tell me - I got them mobile phones a bit earlier than I would have done otherwise !)

    Little tip, do your calendar... I just put 'at dads' on the relevant weekends - so you can see well in advance any conflicts with special days ( birthdays, christmas, mother's day) and can get them rearranged well before. Actually have you got anything in the contact order about Christmas / Summer holidays and whatnot? It's not set in stone being on the calendar but it helps to keep track and have an idea in advance any conflicts might come up.

    Do they live relatively close to you?

    Has the interference of the sister been to do with these contact proceedings ( ie now it's sorted will that stop ?)
    “We may not win by protesting, but if we don’t protest we will lose. If we stand up to them, there is always a chance we will win.” Hetty Bower

    Any advice I provide is given without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

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  5. #5
    Amy1994's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    Yea it's starting the 1st next weekend, he's picking her up at 6pm and bringing her back Monday morning a 7:45am. He haven't told me and the cafcass officer Wednesday at court told me I don't have a right to know because of confidentiality. Yes that's how I feel now I just feel like he wants her to get back at me and see what I'm doin like he did last year I'm really struggling with it at the moment because he changed the dates because his girlfriend booked a surprise weekend away just them 2 appreantly so it feels like they just want to annoy me.

    Yes i done the calendar this morning to be on the safe side and to know where I am because it's all confusing. It just says if there's any holidays booked to rearrange the weekend with each other and swap but Christmas this year falls on my weekend he had last year for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I didn't see her til Christmas night I had to do mine early on the Friday before Christmas Eve.

    His house is like 10 mins away in a car but my daughter ha said he doesn't live there he stays at his girlfriends which is like 25mins away on the motorway.

    The situation with the sister its been constant driving past my house looking in my house approaching me when I'm in the street while I'm with my daughter and shouting daddy will see you the weekend when she knows full well I stopped the contact in may because of issues I had every weekend he brought her back she would cry nonstop saying she doesn't want to go because another child is hitting her and her dad and girlfriend isn't saying anything or doing anything to stop it or prevent it from happening she went into my moms work while she was working to tell me to let her brother see my daughter, I'd constantly have no caller ID's ring me and contacting my partner on social media basically trying to interfere with everything I do. The cafcass officer said if my daughter has a good relationship with her auntie to carry on letting her see her because there's no issue with my daughter the problem is with me not her.

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    jaguarsuk's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    I think I'd have reported the behaviour of the sister to the Police under the Protection From Harassment Act 1997. You shouldn't have to be subject to or accept such behaviour, plus Cafcass may have a different view on her with a warning issued to her.

    I'd say the "surprise holiday" falls within what the order says about rearranging for holidays, but it's a pretty shitty move by the girlfriend given the order was made and he asked fro that date.

  7. #7
    Amy1994's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    I reported her and they said they couldn't do anything because she hasn't physically hit or threatened me.

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    jaguarsuk's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy1994 View Post
    I reported her and they said they couldn't do anything because she hasn't physically hit or threatened me.
    That's rubbish and sounds typical of lazy policing. Next time mention the Harassment Act and that you feel "distressed and intimidated" by her behaviour.

    If thay doesn't prompt them to act, make a complaint to your police and crime commissioner.

  9. #9
    Amy1994's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    Ok thank you xxx

  10. #10
    Amy1994's Avatar

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    Default Re: Contact order in place

    Ok thank you xxx

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